now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
