I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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