I have demons in me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
