I feel great
I just peed on a car
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
