why didn't you poke me back
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
