I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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