I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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