We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
