He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
