The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
