he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
