Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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