the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
