My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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