Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
