Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
