I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
