How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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