I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
