Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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