Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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