Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
