Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
