i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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