Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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