i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
