Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
