Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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