well I can't set my house on fire every night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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