New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
