i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
