i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
