i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
