When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
