yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
