I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
