I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
