Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
