I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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