i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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