He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
