Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He felt like a one man threesome
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
