I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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