can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
