keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
