R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
