Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
