thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
