I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
