YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
