i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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