I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
